Well I had a change of heart and I decided that instead of music I wanted to share some "marital" ideas. Now, my wife and I are coming up on our 2nd anniversary, so by no means are we experts. However, we're happy and I think everybody should be happy so I'll try to share some things that I think are producing that happiness in our relationship. I'll relate to other couples but I won't use their names, whether good or bad, its just simpler that way (and I didn't ask anybody's permission to use them). So, here are 5 ways my wife and I love each other better than you.
1. We clean up together (or don't).
Smile at the cute young couple. Go ahead, do it. I know, "awww, that's cute." But listen, when I help Jenni clean up, we love each other more. When I don't, we don't. Its very simple. When Jenni does housework, we love each other more. When she doesn't, we don't. When we let the house go because we're having fun, going places, doing things, we love each other more. When one of us is trying to keep everything perfect while the other is trying to do a bunch of stuff (has been both at different times) we don't. I'm sure nobody needs to be told that doing things together builds a stronger relationship, but it bears repeating. Like I said, these aren't groundbreaking, they're just what I've noticed in our life. Now, if you asked Jenni, I don't get this right 100% of the time. In fact, the percentage is probably closer to 15, but even that is worth a ton, and I'm getting better. (She isn't perfect either :) ).
2. We decide together.
You may pick up a pattern. Jenni has struggled with making quick, efficient decisions her whole life. I tend to waffle back and forth from rapid fire decisions to heavily researched life choices. At first, combining her reluctance with my either speed or determination was a challenge. But instead of just taking over, or more like after taking over wasn't working, I decided (pun intended) to try and include her, no matter how trivial the choice. This has occasionally resulted in me getting frustrated as an opportunity floats by while she can't make up her mind. But it has also resulted in her preventing me from making a dumb knee-jerk decision numerous times. The primary benefit has been our direction as a family is unified. Great concept, better practice. Good friends of ours are funny to talk to because they have very different ways of expressing their family's goals. One of them thinks a particular career is the only way to go, the other thinks it will never happen but its cute. Without judging their relationship, because it looks great, I can't help but wonder what happens if the career pans out? Will person two be extremely opposed to it? Will person one realize they've been opposed the whole time? If it doesn't pan out, will person one ever be happy? Will person two understand why person one is unhappy? I don't think Jenni and I will struggle with this. I know, its early, we plan on being married forever so things could change.
3. We "friend" together.
I am particularly bad at this one, Jenni is AWESOME at it. She often laments the fact she didn't have a lot of friends growing up. She had some, but in her own words, none of them were super close. I've had buckets of close friends evidenced by the 7 guys who stood in my wedding plus the two who sang and one who ushered. When we got married we wanted to do stuff with people, this is pretty normal. However, my friends were not Jenni's friends and vice-versa. With a little work, a lot for Jenni, we now have virtually completely mutual friends. In fact, just last night a mutual friend was over. While we were dating, he would've been "my friend" but now he's definitely "our friend." But I must stress, most of the work has been done by Jenni, partially because I have a load of friends and partially because most of her friends live in Colorado. I would expect this to be a given, however I've observed many a couple with the "guy's night out" and "girl's night out" mentality. Not just because the girls are stamping or watching chic-flicks but because the guy wants nothing to do with the girl's friends. This is a bummer for everybody so stop it.
4. We had a baby together
Don't worry, this will be safe for work. Our little man has brought us together in a lot of ways. Most of them are obvious, we love him so loving him we love each other more. Despite my initial misgivings, I call her "mommy" constantly. She likes that, and calls me "daddy" (in unison now, "awwwww" you guys sicken me) so we love each other more. We help each other take care of him, her more than me, and so we love each other more when we help each other. He draws out different aspects of our personalities which lead us to love each other more. Time spent together, in peace, is a premium so we enjoy it more and therefore love each other more. But, there are a few ways he has drawn us together that I didn't expect, or at least had never occurred to me. I recognize and appreciate the ways Jenni will provide for Chipper that I could never provide. Things she doesn't provide for me, she's not my mother, but are still love-worthy. I don't get to experience that without Chipper. She has also mentioned things I'll be able to do with Chipper that she and I can't do. She gets to love that. Kids rock, go have some.
5. We make fun of each other
Other than Christ this may be the single most important aspect of our relationship. I'm kidding. But really, we are real to each other. We do what we think we should and say what we want to say and then chance the consequences with our other half. Jenni makes fun of me constantly. This is very very good. It is first, humbling, second, a useful critique and finally, fun. We aren't the only couple that jokes, some of our best friends are also constantly ribbing each other. That's great, and essential to keep both people grounded. I am well acquainted with a couple in which if she were to say some of the things Jenni says to me, fire would rain down. That's troubling. Lighten up, enjoy each others' senses of humor and remember what's fair is fair.
Hope that warmed your heart.
Braves snagged game one in Cincy last night. Simba with his first career 2 homer game, that dude is gonna be the top SS in the league for a while. He's already the best defender in the NL (SEA Brendan Ryan, CLE Asdrubal Cabrera, BAL J.J. Hardy prolly better in AL) but his bat is still growing.
Going to see Brewers-Rangers tonight. Thursday I'll give a game recap and talk about why we attend New Testament Baptist Church.
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