What My Wedding Band Means

Divorce. It's ugly, it's prevalent, and there's a growing sense that it's permissible in the church.

Let me interject that I am not writing this as a response to any particular person going through a divorce, though I have several friends and acquaintances that have recently or will be soon.

The Biblical arguments for the permissibility of divorce are not my battleground here. I have a different approach.

Why get a divorce?

Offense intended, unless you are in physical danger, there is no good reason.

I say offense intended, because I have experienced the bitterness questioning a divorce can stir up. I know the pain is real. I believe the emotions are strong. But I also believe there is an undercurrent of our faith which must be stronger.

Why get a divorce? Because forgiveness is not possible.

Really? Forgiveness is not possible? I have it easy. My wife is fantastic. She's beautiful, she's smart, she's a wonderful mother and she loves me despite of myself. Its easy to forgive her when she slips up. She hasn't done anything significant enough to warrant even the little bits of anger I've shown towards her. Divorce? Certainly out of the question!

But what if she cheated? What if I found her weaving a web of deceit and lust defiling my home and my bed? What if she intentionally hurt my child? What if she gambled away my hard earned money or stupidly lost our savings to a con? Could I forgive her?

If not, then divorce is the only way to move on. I've heard it said, "I just can't forgive that person for doing that to me." The hurt, anger, bitterness, and despair billowing out of the divorcee's heart like smoke. The pain blinding them to the only thing that really matters.

God forgave.

My wife cheated on me? I killed Jesus, I think I can forgive her. My wife lost my life savings on a stupid credit scam? I nailed the perfect Son of God to a cross, I think I can forgive her. My wife put the life of my precious son in danger? I took God's only Son from Him and slew Him, I think I can forgive her.

Hosea the prophet was called to take a harlot for a wife. Why? Because God was using their marriage as a symbol for His relationship with Israel. If God had the same response to unfaithfulness some Christians do, the book of Hosea would read very differently. Hosea would probably stone Gomer and then prophesy about all the horrible things about to happen to Israel. Instead, judgment for sin is followed by FORGIVENESS! Salvation! Restoration!

Paul describes the marriage relationship as a picture of Christ relationship with the church. He says the husbands are to love their wives as Christ loved the church. If Christ loved the church the way some Christians do, we'd be out on the street and Christ would be looking for a new lover. But Christ gave His life for the church. He died that we might live. How utterly selfish is someone who can't forgive?

How about no-fault divorce? Just a mutual parting ways. "We just weren't happy" "I married the wrong person" "I didn't know this person I married"

God is not in the business of making mistakes. The mindset of what marriage is meant to be has eroded into fluff. You just weren't happy? How do you think Hosea felt? God told him to marry Gomer. The laziness and selfishness of the no-fault divorce almost didn't even make this article. The ring on my finger is both a reminder to be faithful, of my wife's faithfulness and, most importantly, of God's faithfulness to us. For Christians to abandon each other for such a pathetic reason as "compatibility" casts a shadow on the church's presentation of God. Trust Him that the person you've found yourself promised to is exactly who He intended. Then you might find that happiness you so overvalue. 

I would go so far as to say, their are 0 scenarios in which divorce is the right course of action. But, I must listen to the same arguments I'm giving. If a divorcee wants forgiveness, they are just as entitled to it as I am, despite their inability to give it. How awesome is that?

Life isn't about being comfortable. It isn't about being happy. Its not even about being good. Its about the glory of the indescribable God. Which response brings God more glory? Forgiveness or Divorce?